These Twists and Turns of Fate
by Shini02
Summary: Saiyuki drabbles. Drabble collection. 08: Atone: He serves Homura, but he will not die for him. Shien/Nataku.
1. Sunshine

**Title:** Sunshine  
**Genre:** General  
**Pairing:** SanzoxGoku  
**Warning:** None  
**Summary:** There was a light that shone through the darkness. It was him.

* * *

He's my sun.

Sure, there was sunlight in that dark cave sometimes, but it never stayed around long. The rays would fade away come noon and I would have to wait until the next day to see the sun again.

It was so dark in there. Sometimes literally, sometimes not. I guess that was the loneliness that made everything so pitch black. When he showed up, there was a tiny ray of light that shot through the darkness. Then that light led me out of the darkness when he freed me.

He's the sun that shone through the darkness and gave me a guiding light.


	2. Admonished

**Title:** Admonished  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Character:** Gojyo  
**Warning:** None  
**Summary:** Everyone thinks Gojyo has beautiful hair. Gojyo thinks otherwise.

* * *

Women fawn over my hair like some prized pet. I can't stand it. It's nothing worth fawning over and it's definitely not as beautiful as they think it is. It's hideous. The stupid crimson color that matches my eyes perfectly is so hideous, it makes me sick.

I often get asked if I dye my hair. Some demon even wanted to know if the rug matched the drapes, know what I mean? I wish it was dye, but no, it's the real thing. If I had any other color hair, I would be insane to dye it this hideous shade worthy of only half demons.


	3. When it Rains

**Title:** When it Rains  
**Genre:** General  
**Pairing:** GojyoxHakkai  
**Warning:** Implied sex  
**Summary:** Gojyo loves it when it rains.

* * *

On rainy nights, he comes to me.

Hakkai will knock on my door hesitantly, and greet me with a smile when the door is opened. A smile that is frail and about ready to shatter. I will take him into my room and sometimes into my bed. I drown out the rain with my voice, promising ridiculous, impossible things, and saying sweet things that will never in a million years mean anything. I then take him into a world of mind-numbing pleasure. A place where the past doesn't exist.

I'm an insensitive bastard, but I love it when it rains.


	4. Let Me Let Go

**Title:** Let Me Let Go  
**Genre:** General/Angst  
**Pairing:** NatakuxGoku (if you squint _really_ hard)  
**Warning:** Spoiler-ish  
**Summary:** When in the void of coma, his is a tortured soul.

* * *

The Killing Puppet sometimes remembers things. He would like to think they're memories, anyway. He sees himself with a boy, a boy that was one in a million, yet they were one in the same. He remembers feeling at peace when the nameless boy smiled at him. He remembers playing and having fun with that boy. He remembers feeling alive.

He can't move or speak or see or listen, but he can feel. He can feel his heart breaking with every memory. Every memory he wishes he could forget. If he forgets, maybe then he can truly be at peace.


	5. Let Us Sin

**Title:** Let Us Sin  
**Genre:** General  
**Pairing:** HomuraxGoku  
**Warning:** Spoiler-ish  
**Summary:** Five hundred years ago, they sinned alone. Today, they have a chance to sin together.

**

* * *

**

We have sinned.

We were looked down upon by those above, and feared by those below. We were caught up in a world all our own, a world that was somewhere between Heaven and Earth. Perhaps we were in Hell.

That was five hundred years ago, now look at how you've grown. You're a man.

I place my hand upon your shackled wrist. Does your sun touch you like this? You flinch and cuss. I smile and silence you with a kiss, I've waited five centuries for that kiss.

We have sinned in the past, alone. Now, let us sin together, Son Goku.


	6. Smile

**Title:** Smile  
**Genre:** General/Angst  
**Characters:** Gojyo, his mother  
**Warning:** Spoiler-ish  
**Summary:** He never saw her smile.

* * *

She never once smiled.

She'd look at me angry eyes, and then the tears would come.

On good days, she'd cry for hours, alone. Anywhere that was away from me. On bad days, she'd scream and shout and hit me.

I preferred the bad days.

I always hoped one day she would hit me hard enough to just end it all. Then neither of us would suffer. I wouldn't have to go through the pain, and she wouldn't cry anymore.

She stopped crying one day. It was the same day she stopped breathing.

I never got to see her smile.


	7. Changes

**Title:** Changes  
**Genre:** Angst/Romance  
**Pairing:** NatakuxGoku  
**Warning:** Shounen ai, spoiler-ish  
**Summary:** Nothing ever changes.

* * *

Nothing changes.

It's always dark. Sometimes a memory surfaces and for a moment there's a light of something lost, but it always fades back to black.

It's always silent. Sometimes I hear faint whispers of the past, voices I can barely place a face with. Voices that soon fade into endless silence.

It's always lonesome. Sometimes those memories and those voices collide and give me a glimpse of what I left behind. I often see that nameless boy. I hear him laughing with me, I see him smiling at me. I feel my heart skip a beat every time I remember.

It never, ever changes.


	8. Atone

**Title:** Atone  
**Genre:** General  
**Character:** Shien  
**Warning:** Canon character death; spoilers for the end of Gensomaden Saiyuki.  
**Summary:** This is the best he could do to repent.

* * *

I served Homura. His path promised me atonement for my sin.

You would have frowned upon me, Lord, had you witnessed the path I followed. It was a road paved with corpses and tainted with blood. It was a path I would have never taken, had things turned out differently long ago.

More blood has been spilled for you, Lord. In a battle of strength, of heart and soul, another has fallen for you.

You would not approve, but this is the least I can do to finally repent.

I served Homura, but now I die for you, Lord Nataku.


End file.
